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Lyrics: Hermione’s Beaded Bag

January 2, 2014

Hermione's Beaded Bag

HERMIONE’S BEADED BAG

New words by WeenyOwl, to the tune of ‘Miss Fogarty’s Christmas Cake’ by C. Frank Horn; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGoqOv-4URA

 

(You can listen to the song here.)

Have you met Miss Hermione Granger?
She’s the cleverest girl in our school.
She’s a Gryffindor, steadfast in danger,
But unwilling to suffer a fool.
She’s got skin softer than baby powder,
As I think I’m entitled to brag;
But what’s most unexpected about her
Is the contents of one little bag.

She’s got Polyjuice and dittany;
A sword and an invisibility cloak;
A tent and a whole long litany
Of attire for a girl or a bloke.
She’s got mountains of textbooks from Hogwarts
(But not ‘Holiday with a Hag’),
Plus more furniture than any removal van
In Hermione’s beaded bag.

Though we set out in rather a hurry
On that day when my brother was wed,
As it turned out we’d no need to worry:
Our Hermione was thinking ahead.
Though our Harry’s resourceful and fearless,
She was sure he’d forget all the swag;
To make sure that we wouldn’t go gearless,
She enchanted a small beaded bag.

She’s got Polyjuice and dittany;
A sword and an invisibility cloak;
A tent and a whole long litany
Of attire for a girl or a bloke.
She’s got mountains of textbooks from Hogwarts
(But not ‘Holiday with a Hag’),
Plus more furniture than any removal van
In Hermione’s beaded bag.

In the bag’s a life-sized simulacrum
Of a Hogwarts headmaster of yore.
She can pull him out for conversation
When our camping trip seems like a bore.
Though he’s prone to sarcasm and irony,
That old Phineas Nigellus Black,
If he gives any cheek to Hermione,
You can bet that she’ll shove him right back.

She’s got Polyjuice and dittany;
A sword and an invisibility cloak;
A tent and a whole long litany
Of attire for a girl or a bloke.
She’s got mountains of textbooks from Hogwarts
(But not ‘Holiday with a Hag’),
Plus more furniture than any removal van
In Hermione’s beaded bag.

There’s no limit to what she can chuck in:
It’ll hold much more gold than a bank.
And if I were you, mate, I’d be duckin’
When she swings it around with a clank.
It connects with surprising momentum,
Though its weight never seems like a drag.
Here’s a toast to the ones who invent ‘em:
Brilliant stuff like that small beaded bag!

She’s got Polyjuice and dittany;
A sword and an invisibility cloak;
A tent and a whole long litany
Of attire for a girl or a bloke.
She’s got mountains of textbooks from Hogwarts
(But not ‘Holiday with a Hag’),
Plus more furniture than any removal van
In Hermione’s beaded bag.

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One Comment
  1. firannion permalink

    Look what I just discovered by Googling us! https://twitter.com/murphyhiggins/status/685252203507007488

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